I fell asleep crying last night...It had been there...beating under my diaphragm all day long yesterday. A looming storm of emotion and it finally precipitated as he left the house. He said goodbye and I responded with my head under the covers, crying silently...I couldn't let him know I was crying or being weak...not before he goes to work. He has to be 100% prepared, emotionally, mentally. Far be it for me to damper his work day. I slept from 6:30pm to 5:40am, but woke up several times in the night to check the clock. I dreamed that I was at Jimmy Fallon's house and his dogs were trying to make out with me; he kept telling me it was ok...Jimmy Fallon is not always a funny guy.
Today once again I am with my black coffee, imitation creamer/sweetener and instant oatmeal; Cinnamon Roll flavor. Can I get any more fake? Nothing I'm ingesting is real. Not the light, not the food, not the coffee...My life is an unbroken chain of artificial nonsense. When am I going to start getting REAL?