Thursday, March 30, 2006
Well I'm not one of those people. I had to go to the doctor today for a mysterious nausea/dizziness/bloating/hot flashes issue and of course my first assumption was that I was preggo. So I'm not. So I had to get blood work done and I have a pelvic ultrasound on Tuesday and I'm freaking out. I broke down crying in the car and am really worried I have something seriously wrong with me.
Unlike the rest of the altruistic saints who I work with, go to church with, am friends with, etc., I want people to feel sorry for me. It is not in my DNA to go into denial about these things. In fact, it is in my DNA to make a bigger deal out of things than they are. Or...does everyone else just minimize their problems? Now I'm not going around telling my co-workers or the guy at the deli that I think I'm going to pass out, but I believe my husband and my best friend deserve the respect of the truth that I'm freaking out and worried about my health. The NP checked for ovarian cysts, and I think I might have endometriosis. My aunt had it at my age and had to get a hysterectomy. She was never able to have children and that scares me to death.
I grew up in a home in which if I had a tickle in my throat my mom told me to stay home and get better. Regardless if she hasn't seen me in 2 months she just KNOWS I'm exhausted and need to rest. Yes, I grew up in a hypochondriatic home and I don't strive to be the same. However, I am going to be straight about this, it feels good to know that people are worried about me. I don't quite know how people get to the point where they don't tell the truth about their health because they're embarassed. I am NOT a private person.
I think I'm part Jewish. I just KNOW it's fatal.
Monday, March 27, 2006
I am in a FUUUUUUNK today. Monday is sucking sucking suuuuuucking. Didn't get enough sleep, have 8 million emails to respond to, didn't do the work this weekend I was supposed to because I had house guests, and I feel like screaming something very, very, offensive at the top of my lungs. It's times like this when I wish the Body Snatchers would put me out of my misery! Any jokes, quips, puns would be truly appreciated. Qualudes anyone? Cheers!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I am a questioner by nature. I was raised in a home in which my mother taught me to always ask why, never take anything for face value, and if you didn't understand something by all means raise your hand and speak up!
What I have found working in the corporate world is that people are running scared. They are scared of losing their job, losing face, and offending higher-ups who are so consumed with their status they have forgotten what it was like to be a real person.
I often wonder how it is that one arrives at the place in life where they see themselves as entitled to talking down to others, or better yet pretending as if they don't exist. I know one day I may be in the same position as they, but I cannot see myself treating people the way they do. I'm sure you're saying "Oh come on, are you honestly telling me you treat everyone the same? What about the parolee who pumps your gas or the kid serving you lemonade who's wearing a giant hot dog on his head?" You know, I'm sure I don't treat them exactly the same but I am always cognizant of the respect I give people.
I am not suggesting that we don't live in a world that recognizes hierarchies- we do. What I am saying is that to assume that everyone has the same understanding or awareness of your so-called 'status' in life is absurd! My primary comment for people who conduct themselves in this manner is...GET OVER YOURSELF. If people were not so self-centered and insecure at the same time, they would realize that there are issues bigger than them, bigger than their rank.
Because of this new status shuffle I'm in, I feel that I too must change the way I communicate. I am asking less questions, revising the way I speak to be more directive, less padded. I actually listened to a guy who was facilitating a meeting the other day alternate his words with "kinda, sorta, almost, and maybe". It made him sound like a high school student giving his first public speech. I think one of the positive things I am learning is that when you speak in these situations you should have a solid point of view and not feel like you have to qualify everything so as not to hurt everyone's feelings.
Maybe I need to be more bitchy.....That's all for today!
Monday, March 20, 2006
Woke up today at 3:45 am but didn't get out of bed until 4:45. Why on earth you ask? Well, in the NW we have this rare phenomena called....SUN. I worked out, did a load of dishes, put on a full face of brand new MAC and Bobbi Brown makeup AND a douse of Vera Wang perfume. The outfit is chocolate with a side of ice daquiri sherbet.
Tomorrow it will rain again, and it won't stop for another week...taking advantage of the endorphins today hoping I won't be in a Seasonal Affective Disorder slump tomorrow.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Although I haven't had a whole lot of energy in the morning as I'm adjusting to the vegan diet, I do have a better handle on what I'm doing from the get go with this rotation.
It seems that my job is taking a turn for the better, even if I am always on a steep learning curve. I am having to learn hard lessons all the time, but I feel that I am on a fast forward boot camp for budding young future VPs.
I am having to be careful of what I say, who I say it to, and how I say it...which I might add is an art in itself. I don't inherently think in terms of hierarchy (in this sense) so it didn't come naturally for me to assume that I shouldn't address higher ups unless they initiate contact with me. I was taught by my mother that I was always as smart as others if not smarter...I came to realize later in life this wasn't always true....but I never thought it wasn't ok to ask questions or assume that I didn't have anything valuable to add to a conversation.
I am having to come to terms with the fact that they want me to shut up but I won't get promoted if I do. Tempering just how far I can go without getting fired or blacklisted is quite the challenge at this point in my career.
Until later.... -TT
Thursday, March 9, 2006
Here is a pic of me when I was young, vibrant, and full of life. Right now I feel like my veins are pumping cement.... The gig is busy, learning new things everyday. The good news is que no estoy trabajando con un comemierda del diablo. Tengo ahora 2 jefes que me tratan como ser humano y respetan a mi opinion y mi experiencia.
The best news of my week has been that I bought 3 new bras, all the same but different colors. If you're a woman or just proud of your man breasts...I HIGHLY recommend the wireless Ipex bra from Victoria's Secret. I put it on and feel like a could put on some Angel wings and fly onto the red carpet (in the privacy of my own home, no less).
I almost look like this:
Yep, that' s my story and I'm stickin' to it...me and my quest for the perfect mammary form.
I have been eating like a 10 year old with no parents. 20 cups of coffee a day, rice krispy treats, donuts, burritos...you name it. Everything except meat and dairy...yes folks, it's Lenten season again. The time when you deny yourself the flesh to feed your spirit. The only problem is I haven't been feeding my spirit so a fast is pretty painful. To you all you Catholics out there who think I'm being especially pious, this is the way ALL Greek Orthodox do Lent. We don't get to pick our sacrifice...they let us know. They even try to tell us we have to cut out olive oil because it's a staple in the Greek diet, yet Russian Orthodox can have it. I don't quite remember God saying that different ethnicities had different paths to heaven!
Ok, I'm signing off to get out of here. Still at the office! I'm dreading the hour long drive home...