This Time, It's Personal.

I applied. I applied for a job I'm not qualified for but I dream about it constantly. As I recounted yesterday, I will not be teaching next semester due to availability of classes, the woman whose place I was supposed to take is now not leaving, and that's final.

But!

I couldn't be happier. Sound like I'm in denial? Allow me to clarify. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING I have accomplished in my career has led up to this position. What the hell is it you ask? I applied to be the Executive Director of a non-profit organization that does social advocacy, leadership and capacity building, education, and support for adjudicated youth in the Latino community where I live. My relationship with them started out when my company rebranded their entire organization. I was then invited to serve on the Board of Directors and then it just so happened that it worked out for me to work there part-time during the leadership transition. I have been sharing responsibilities with the Interim Executive Director who doesn't want the job, but she is doing a great job so I know I'm not walking into a mess.
My experience working in the Latino community for several years, my marketing experience with Company X and my own company, my MBA, and now my internal knowledge of the organization is making me think I might have a shot. I may be completely off base, but I am very excited to have the chance to even interview for something like this. It's not every day you can say that you even got the chance to interview for an Executive Director position, even if they don't hire me!

Lately I have been struggling with my professional mission in life. Is it to be rich? The owner of a successful company? A professor? Well, I had a chance to have a long talk with myself on Friday driving back home to see the family. I talked myself through the self-doubt, the insecurity, the potential lack of preparedness and told myself "no". I have been hired for jobs that I wasn't qualified for before and I lived to talk about it. I do worry that an entire organization would be on my shoulders, but at the same time I have dreamed about shaping and growing an organization for a while now. To be able to take our budget and triple or quadruple it over the next few years is something I know I can do. It will be my sole mission to be on the ground, beating the pavement, getting in the ears of the rich and influential to make this dream come true. I will be working to increase self-efficacy for the Latino community and once I realized that, it all made sense. Sure I left for a few years, but the experience I gained in the corporate world only goes to prepare me for this job.

Now that I've said all that, I hope I don't have to come back and tell you they laughed at me in the interview, but I'll keep you posted. I can visualize myself as a leader, little by little everyday it's becoming real to me.

I'm exhausted, but at peace with my decision.