Saturday, September 22, 2007

Holy Matrimony!

Today the last of my childhood friends is getting married. I'm sitting in the hair salon waiting to get my up do, and I'm thinking back 8 years to when it was my turn. The 1st of the four of us to get married, I was 22 and couldn't think of another thing but marrying the man of my dreams. A strong, stealthy Marine corporal who I'd known since my senior year in high school, we couldn't wait to show all our friends and family that we were finally ready to tie the knot and start our lives together as husband and wife. Our parents thought we were too young, and our (see:MY) friends were freaking out about losing the carefree days of hanging out and being each other's soul mates. I didn't care. I loved my man and knew he would always be there to protect me from whatever came our way. He was smart, articulate, responsible, and honorable...he was my Marine and childhood friend and I loved him. I was a little bit of a Bridezilla as I hadn't quite realized that I didn't need to prove myself to everyone yet. I was trying to show the world I had great taste and was a classy bride who was ready for this big of a commitment. Now that I think back I ask myself- was I? Is there anything or anybody who could have convinced me to wait? Considering he was going to be stationed in North Carolina immediately after we got married, I wasn't willing to be apart from him anymore or risk losing him...I got married partly due to my impatience. My 1st year of marriage was tough. The 1st 4 months I had to wait to move to NC from Washington State because of the waiting list for military housing. I arrived on base and remember him showing me our house and my heart sank. A 5-plex in the enlisted projects, the screen on the porch was falling out, and we shared a backyard with about 20 other families. I thought that after getting a BA it guaranteed a decent living situation and wall-to-wall carpeting...I was wrong.
Years later I am wondering what would have become of me if I didn't get married. After the emotional neglect I've endured I'm having a hard time untwisting my angst and moving forward even though he's dead set on winning me back. I suppose it's due to several factors, but mostly just feelings have died and aren't resuscitating the way I think they should. I guess we'll see what happens in 3 weeks when we have a deadline to meet...I'm at a loss.


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