I must admit that being a married woman has its ups and downs, as I'm sure it does being a married man. We all have our weaknesses and if it were easy I suppose there wouldn't be a 50 or 60% divorce rate in this country. However, that's not what I'm here to talk about today. What I will say is I have come to terms with some very harrowing realizations about making a marriage last, and things we not only have to accept about our partner, but even more so about ourselves.
Temptation will always come in the sweetest form possible.
- I'll tell you what I mean. Just when you think things are going well with you and your spouse and you're able to ignore the things that most irritate you about him/her, someone will inevitably come along who has what you think you're lacking or who doesn't do that very caustic thing that makes you want to scratch your eyes out. They will come in the form of Christians, Tibetan monks, deli owners, teachers, doctors, co-workers, waiters, priests, disco kings, MBA students, you name it. They will almost always come in a form that seems totally harmless, helpful even. You will try to justify to yourself why you must have communication with them, why that email won't do anyone any harm, why you have to meet them to study or help their kids out with free sporting equipment for their softball team. You will make excuses to see them and you will always try to look your best in anticipation of seeing them.
You're not that strong no matter what you think.
- There comes a time when all the self-denial in the world will come crashing around your head and you. will. fall. You cannot occupy your thoughtlife with their image and likeness while your spouse is sleeping next to you and not expect them to suspect something. You cannot go alone with people who you are or are not even attracted to even if it seems like a harmless outing...Eventually, someone will do or say the wrong thing and everything you've worked for will be thrown to the wayside.
Your spouse can play the same game.
- Don't think that they won't catch on. Don't think that they will always confront you if they do. Don't think that you're more slick than they, or that they can't hide innocent little flirtations. Don't think that the aforementioned is not very, very dangerous. Women: we often seek out emotional reassurance. Men: you often seek out sexual reassurance. Plain and simple. If aren't giving that to your spouse, they will withdraw. By withdrawing, you create a wider chasm between the two of you. Your thoughts govern your emotions, and your emotions govern your actions. There's this strange little receptor that I believe God places in our brains that drives us to suspect when something isn't right in our marriage. I honestly believe it's biological, and it serves a very important purpose- to get things back to where they need to be.
Cherish your spouse. Appreciate their attraction to you, and don't let petty little attention you get from other people go to your head, because it won't last. If you are married and they're chasing after you it shows a lack of moral fortitude and they are not a worthy way to spend your thoughts, words, or energy.
Voilá mi gente- allí está y se acabó.