Soakin' hot summer nights....

It is HOT...I mean, I am sweating like bacon on a skillet....I have no air conditioning, I sleep on the top floor, and I can't sleep because I'm delirious....
In my feverish state I have decided to figure some things out. I have a "phone screen" tomorrow at 10am...in the beauracracy of corporate America they have to weed you out based on phone etiquette before they will even grant you an interview...so I diligently printed out a bunch of info to study for my screen so I will blow them away and they'll have no choice but to interview me...The job you say? Bilingual Marketing Specialist...this is my dream job. A 2 year rotational position where you are exposed to several different departments in the marketing field such as adverstising, digital media, corporate affairs, public relations, etc....As a bilingual/bicultural asset to my company, I need to find out how I can knock their socks off and they will sign my papers while wiping the the drool off their chins.

I also decided it was necessary to weigh myself at the end of the day right after dinner, further throwing myself into a hyperactive frenzy of perfectionism. I weigh 154 POUNDS. I am 5' 7" and I carry it well, but I am 28 years old!!!! There is absofrickin'lutely NO excuse to be so lethargic at this point in my life. My goal is to get down to 130 lbs., andI can do it it will just take some time and effort on my part.

I am about to say some things that may make me sound like a conceited heffer but here I go: I am a beautiful woman. I am an intelligent woman. I am a driven woman. I am also a woman who is NEVER satisfied. I will never be comfortable with my level of success because as soon as I achieve whatever goal I have set for myself, I look ahead to the next one. I don't think these are negative attributes, in fact I think it makes me a damned hot commodity. However...my greatest fear is that my successes in life will stop because of someone else's control over it. I have built this job up so much over the past 2 months (yes it's been almost that long since I applied) that I am ready to explode and there is absolutely nothing I want more in this world right now than to get this job.

When I applied for this job, my boss and some other nay-sayers at work were letting me know I "shouldn't get my hopes up" because it seems like "I'm looking for the perfect job". And? I am so SICK of "bottom feeders" as my best friend puts it. They are waiting for the green light, for the permission to move ahead because risks scare them to death. I tell you what: I make my own destiny. Yes, I could find out tomorrow I have cancer or my husband could leave me, but you know what? I still would make my own destiny. I had people tell me "it's really hard to get out of customer service and only the top 5-10% move up right away". If I'm not the top 5-10% of customer service, I'd LOVE to meet whoever is! I'm getting my MBA for crying out loud!!! That must mean there are people in customer service getting their doctorates or something...and how smart is THAT?

Coño I am so disillusioned with my job, but success could be right around the corner. If I weren't hallucinating I would say I could taste it...and it would be like sipping a cold key lime martini and a taking a drag of a Marlboro in my plush Italian leather chair as I look out on the city and say "I want what's coming to me" and my best friend would say "Oh yeah? And what's that?" and I would say "The world chica, and everything in it"......