What's a Month and a Half?

After accusations of being comatose, I have decided to take a couple minutes for myself and get over work for a minute.
I have been in a whirlwind of travel, work, near separation, and financial aid suspension in the past couple months. I have been desperately trying to keep my head above water, my bills paid, and not lose my mind in the meantime.
I started back to school this week and almost had a panic attack last night pondering my leftover thoughts of inadequacy from the summer semester. I really had to talk myself through the fact that I can focus my priorities and tell people 'no' when I need to. Honestly, school has got to come first, but work has to still be there so I can pay the bills. I won't be going out/contributing to society/attending benefit dinners/parties until the holidays. It just has to be that way. I hate being a jerk and not pleasing everyone, but honestly my head is about to explode with all the whining I'm getting from people. I will probably have lost all my friends by December of '08 when I graduate, but that's a chance I'll have to take. As long as I am still married I will consider it a great accomplishment.
Other than that, I have had 2 travel experiences in the past month and a half in which I was told the same day that I had to fly to New York. Well, one was the day before...I shouldn't be too picky. The 1st time, I had to fly to NYC (which is 5 hours of flying non-stop from here for those of you on the east coast) with a suitcase full of samples to go to a photo shoot which was already over when I got there. I basically went there for no reason, so I decided to make the best of it and go shopping, take myself out to dinner and go dancing.
The 2nd time, I was in Seattle visiting my family and my boss called me on a Saturday afternoon telling me I had to fly to New York for a WEEK and save a documentary from certain destruction. Don't get me wrong- it was a great trip, I learned a lot, and had a chance to shine, but...now that school has started back, I absolutely cannot fly at the drop of a hat like that anymore. I know I got a D in Finance in the summer partly due to my conflicting priorities of work, school, and home and I don't want to repeat that.
Can I say how happy I am that I think we might be getting an early autumn? I swear, during the summer the sun comes out and my motivation evaporates. The fall arrives and it's back to high-heel boots and mid-terms.
In other news, I saw that my company is expanding marketing opportunities to the Miami area which I would love nothing more than to move there in a couple years whenI get my MBA. I think that in order to advance my career the way I want, I will have to move to S. Florida...(sorry Joke)
I'm sure my husband won't be thrilled at first, but I think it would be the best move for us. I think a couple years there and I will be ready to come back to the NW- but it seems inevitable.
That said, I'm off to a meeting. It's good to be back!
-TT-

Updates

So I got a D in Finance. So I will have to take it over in the Spring...life goes on.

Now that that's out of my system, I am actually enjoying a little of my summer and taking some time for me. My yard that was demolished last summer is in the 2nd phase of the renaissance. We now have a real cement walkway between our house and the neighbor's, and a fancy colored/textured cement walkway that wraps around the porch and creates a nice little patio area beside it. Or as I like to call it, an "outdoor dance floor".
I finally had the wherewithal to clean my office and I discovered some very lucrative investments...namely $300 in Target gift certificates that I thought I lost and a $250 check from my Microsoft investment account.
I worked out today which helped to clear my head of the DRAMA in my family. Don't want to get into it here because I have beat this horse bloody all day. Basically I have NO idea what parallel universe my mother lives in, but I still love her.
Work is good, laundry is clean, and by the way- my attitude 2 posts ago SUCKED. The next morning I woke up to Joyce Meyer, one of the only TV preachers I can watch, and she broke it down to the simplest of terms. Life isn't going to change, so you better change your attitude.
Since then, I have realized I need to grab this job by the...ears and make it happen. I have a plan which I will present to my boss at my yearly review next Monday. It basically entails me creating a position for myself in the Americas (Latin America) region as a Corporate Responsibility Initiatives Manager or Director. Who knows if I'll get away with it, but it's worth a try!
In other news, just found out one of my good friends will be accepting a sales position in Miami so you know what that means! I'll have a place to stay when I need to get to my favorite Latinomelánge destination. Gotta admit it, I would jump at the chance to live down there, as long as MMM was on board.
That's it for me- good night to all my faithful fan.

-TT-

VITTORIA!!!!

My grandfather would have been proud although he was never a football fan-- the patria of his father won the World Cup today and I was right there standing next to my Italian brethren, never more proud to be Siciliana. For one of the first times in my life I was boldly passionate about a sporting event. Working in the athletic industry has had an effect on me I never thought it would-- I love football (soccer). Little by little I fell in love with Grosso, Del Piero, and yes-- even Gattuso. I was a little upset by the dirty tricks in the beginning of the final match, the diving, tripping, etc., but as soon as Zidane head-butted Materazzi?! All bets were off and I wanted him OUT and Italia to WIN. Well guess what Francia??!! SE LA VIE!!! At least the first goal we scored wasn't a penalty kick. France played a good game, but Italia proved itself in the end and got the trophy gold. CHE BELLA!
-TT-

Why Now?

I thought I had made it. I thought I was at the top of my game and ready to conquer the world. No, I didn't think it would be easy but I didn't think I would be an abismal failure at so many things all at the same time. I am pretty sure I failed intro to Finance, (sorry Joker) I dread going to work which was supposed to be the job of my dreams that I couldn't wait to get into, and I am overweight because I don't have the mental space or energy to work out consistently.

I decided I'm going to scale back to one class a semester, no matter how impatient I get, or how badly I want to finish quicker. I CANNOT continue to be this miserable. I just had 4 days off and I have no desire to go to work and be everyone's task girl. I feel like my outlets for creativity are squelched and I have no creative space. I wanted so badly to make things great, to share ideas and be a part of something. The application process led me to believe I would be working in some capacity with the Latino youth market....not an ounce! I work with stressed out Europeans and Americans who have no soul. I suppose that's just the corporate world, but when will I arrive at that point in my life where I feel like I'm good at something?

I know this is a training position so just when I feel like I know what's going on I will switch departments. I know I only have about 18 months left, but to me it seems like a friggin' eternity. I just want to land that job that I can get comfortable in. Until then, I'm just going where they tell me to go. I wish I could work at home. I hate leaving here everyday. I wish I could work 20 hours a week from home and take care of my home and my husband. I wish I wasn't anxious about work on a 4-day weekend. I wish I wasn't failing school and everyone looked down on me. I wish I could be a good, fit, smart wife with a good head on her shoulders instead of a snappy-lipped fat ass who is a jack of all trades and a jack ass at all.

I know, I know. It could be worse. I could be in customer service with no hope of leaving...but at least I had time to dream there. Here I am just bogged down by everyone else's anxiety attacks. So while I am managing a workload, at the same time I'm managing the emotional stability of my bosses. I want to leave work but I can't. Maybe when I'm done with this training job I can take a hiatus and just finish school. Once I'm done I can decide what I want to do and who I want to be. I don't have to go right into the next position. I think it's more than reasonable to leave and come back-- months, tops. I can live off financial aid or work part time. Who knows, who cares? I just want some mental stability back in my life.

The one thing I can't do is treat this job like something I just have to get through. I have to show passion, albeit artificial. I am passionate about one of the projects I am working on, but why does it have to be so miniscule? I am not a person who is satisfied with mediocrity, yet I am living way below the bar. I think I am going to quit summer school. I can't afford to leave work by 5pm 2 days a week. In the Fall I will only have to leave one day a week by 6, I think I can do that. Man, I sound so dismal.

-TT-

Gooooolll!!!!

So I'm not usually one to watch sports, but Italia just beat (with a penalty kick) Australia 1-0!!! The excitement is heating up around the office, I can hardly stand it!

In other news, MBA life is plugging along, I have a final tomorrow that I am pretty nervous about- Finance. I'm not the most numerically adept person in the world. Not because it's hard, but because it's boring. I finally had to train myself to read Finance, math, Statistics, like a textbook, not like literature. I used to get frustrated because I'm a fast reader and I didn't understand why I couldn't breeze through a math book and retain all the information.

Ni modo, tomorrow I will do my best to get through it and move on to the next phase. I am getting to the impatient point in my education. I just want to get it over and done with! I am considering taking 3 classes every term except summer until I graduate. Would I have a life? No. Would I have a job? Not sure. The one good thing about it is I don't have to be there until 7pm in the fall and spring, so the hour it takes me to get to school could start at 6 instead of 5.

In home décor news, I did buy a new silverware set (brushed metal, very chic-y modern) a sugar and creamer set that is retro-modern (sort of like a bunson burner/petri dish set) and a nice set of large utensils.