I've been in a state of spiritual unrest for quite some time.
My focus has been cloudy, and I haven't been able to make a clear decision with complete peace for several months, maybe longer.
I had a disagreement about the Bible last night with my best friend, and although we ended it OK, I woke up feeling uneasy. What I did feel good about was that it was the first time I'd stood up for my faith in the face of opposition in a long time.
Then, all of a sudden today things started popping into my head. Clear, accurate assertions that I knew I had to make. I had to stand in my faith not meekly, but with bold confidence; the confidence that if I stand up for God, He will protect me. No weapons formed against me shall prosper, I'm more than a conqueror. It was then that I started getting angry. I had this spiritual indignation that threw me into such direct clarity of understanding I started writing to the one person who should have been spiritually united with me all along. I sat down and wrote a 6-page, non-flowery letter telling him how it is and what needs to happen. I also realized that I had to forgive myself and tell him that I am doing so. I will no longer walk with my head turned behind me. The past is over and the future is not guaranteed. I am done living in fear. I am done living without faith. I will walk, talk, and act in holy boldness. I will submit to the will of God and accept my failures as a part of life. There's some work to be done...a lot of it in fact. I praise God for this unrest. I praise Him that He is revealing His truth and His light. I will look to Him and no one else for my guidance...Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.