So my separation from MMM lasted 2 weeks. That's it- I couldn't take him sleeping on the futon in the office another night. I admit it- the guy tugs on my heartstrings even if he is obsessive retentive. We are, however, still going to go to counseling. It absolutely has to happen, no question. It was nice to finally be close to him again, but we have a lot of work to do.
In other news, I went to confession on Friday night and let it all out of the bag. I feel relieved but at the same time I understand that I have a lot of spiritual work to do, as with every Lent. A few of the things I have decided to take on to implement change:
1. Go to church at least once a week. It might not be Sunday always, but I need to get back to my church family. After talking to Father JM, I saw the sanctuary as my home again, like I used to feel. No longer did I feel alienated and judged- but part of a very siginificant army of faithful who love and care about me, even if they don't all know me.
2. Get my IUD taken out. I know it's a little personal to divulge over the internet, but it has to be done. I started doing some reading online about the Orthodox church's take on "abortificient birth control" and it's a definite no-no. I had no idea, but it makes sense. I haven't felt like myself since I had it put in over a year ago, so I am going to get it taken out and we can figure out our birth control plan like we used to.
3. Make more efficient use of my time. I waste so much time doing meaningless crap, I really need to get myself on a schedule and stick to it. My weekends just fade away and I lose precious time which I then have to scurry around during the week to get stuff done. I honestly think my energy level and focus will come back after my chemical balance is restored. I mean, 3 years ago I was training for a marathon and now I'm barely working out once a week...it's time to get back on track.
4. Take care of my physical health with diet, exercise, etc. I am a vegan w/ shellfish during Lent, and I can truly feel the difference in my internal health. Sure, I'm less energetic for the first couple weeks, but it's always well worth it on the spiritual growth side. I'm considering severely cutting back on my meat and dairy intake even after Lent- I think it would help me to lose weight and not feel so sluggish during the day.
5. Make my marriage a priority. I keep hearing over and over again from MMM that he doesn't feel like I make him a priority whether because of school, work, my friends, etc. I'm not sure how to change the school thing, I would rather have a life between now and the time I graduate, but he seems to think that another year and 9 months is a lot to ask so he'll just "suck it up" as he "doesn't have a choice". I DO NOT want to give up my education but my marriage has suffered because of it. But, the fact is my marriage has never been spot on, there is always one issue or another...hence the counseling.
Other than that, I thought spring was here to stay but it's freezing and crappy today. I want partial sun breaks with spring showers! I want fun spring fashion with a sassy lightweight trench!