Updates

So I got a D in Finance. So I will have to take it over in the Spring...life goes on.

Now that that's out of my system, I am actually enjoying a little of my summer and taking some time for me. My yard that was demolished last summer is in the 2nd phase of the renaissance. We now have a real cement walkway between our house and the neighbor's, and a fancy colored/textured cement walkway that wraps around the porch and creates a nice little patio area beside it. Or as I like to call it, an "outdoor dance floor".
I finally had the wherewithal to clean my office and I discovered some very lucrative investments...namely $300 in Target gift certificates that I thought I lost and a $250 check from my Microsoft investment account.
I worked out today which helped to clear my head of the DRAMA in my family. Don't want to get into it here because I have beat this horse bloody all day. Basically I have NO idea what parallel universe my mother lives in, but I still love her.
Work is good, laundry is clean, and by the way- my attitude 2 posts ago SUCKED. The next morning I woke up to Joyce Meyer, one of the only TV preachers I can watch, and she broke it down to the simplest of terms. Life isn't going to change, so you better change your attitude.
Since then, I have realized I need to grab this job by the...ears and make it happen. I have a plan which I will present to my boss at my yearly review next Monday. It basically entails me creating a position for myself in the Americas (Latin America) region as a Corporate Responsibility Initiatives Manager or Director. Who knows if I'll get away with it, but it's worth a try!
In other news, just found out one of my good friends will be accepting a sales position in Miami so you know what that means! I'll have a place to stay when I need to get to my favorite Latinomelánge destination. Gotta admit it, I would jump at the chance to live down there, as long as MMM was on board.
That's it for me- good night to all my faithful fan.

-TT-

VITTORIA!!!!

My grandfather would have been proud although he was never a football fan-- the patria of his father won the World Cup today and I was right there standing next to my Italian brethren, never more proud to be Siciliana. For one of the first times in my life I was boldly passionate about a sporting event. Working in the athletic industry has had an effect on me I never thought it would-- I love football (soccer). Little by little I fell in love with Grosso, Del Piero, and yes-- even Gattuso. I was a little upset by the dirty tricks in the beginning of the final match, the diving, tripping, etc., but as soon as Zidane head-butted Materazzi?! All bets were off and I wanted him OUT and Italia to WIN. Well guess what Francia??!! SE LA VIE!!! At least the first goal we scored wasn't a penalty kick. France played a good game, but Italia proved itself in the end and got the trophy gold. CHE BELLA!
-TT-

Why Now?

I thought I had made it. I thought I was at the top of my game and ready to conquer the world. No, I didn't think it would be easy but I didn't think I would be an abismal failure at so many things all at the same time. I am pretty sure I failed intro to Finance, (sorry Joker) I dread going to work which was supposed to be the job of my dreams that I couldn't wait to get into, and I am overweight because I don't have the mental space or energy to work out consistently.

I decided I'm going to scale back to one class a semester, no matter how impatient I get, or how badly I want to finish quicker. I CANNOT continue to be this miserable. I just had 4 days off and I have no desire to go to work and be everyone's task girl. I feel like my outlets for creativity are squelched and I have no creative space. I wanted so badly to make things great, to share ideas and be a part of something. The application process led me to believe I would be working in some capacity with the Latino youth market....not an ounce! I work with stressed out Europeans and Americans who have no soul. I suppose that's just the corporate world, but when will I arrive at that point in my life where I feel like I'm good at something?

I know this is a training position so just when I feel like I know what's going on I will switch departments. I know I only have about 18 months left, but to me it seems like a friggin' eternity. I just want to land that job that I can get comfortable in. Until then, I'm just going where they tell me to go. I wish I could work at home. I hate leaving here everyday. I wish I could work 20 hours a week from home and take care of my home and my husband. I wish I wasn't anxious about work on a 4-day weekend. I wish I wasn't failing school and everyone looked down on me. I wish I could be a good, fit, smart wife with a good head on her shoulders instead of a snappy-lipped fat ass who is a jack of all trades and a jack ass at all.

I know, I know. It could be worse. I could be in customer service with no hope of leaving...but at least I had time to dream there. Here I am just bogged down by everyone else's anxiety attacks. So while I am managing a workload, at the same time I'm managing the emotional stability of my bosses. I want to leave work but I can't. Maybe when I'm done with this training job I can take a hiatus and just finish school. Once I'm done I can decide what I want to do and who I want to be. I don't have to go right into the next position. I think it's more than reasonable to leave and come back-- months, tops. I can live off financial aid or work part time. Who knows, who cares? I just want some mental stability back in my life.

The one thing I can't do is treat this job like something I just have to get through. I have to show passion, albeit artificial. I am passionate about one of the projects I am working on, but why does it have to be so miniscule? I am not a person who is satisfied with mediocrity, yet I am living way below the bar. I think I am going to quit summer school. I can't afford to leave work by 5pm 2 days a week. In the Fall I will only have to leave one day a week by 6, I think I can do that. Man, I sound so dismal.

-TT-