Perra Perrísima

Most of my life I have tried to help the people I love. I have tried to be supportive, (but not always succeeding) I have tried to be understanding, (I've got a few failures under my belt there too) and I have tried to be objective (may be the greatest shortcoming of all). If MMM wants a bike, I say "no!" but then go get it for him for Christmas. If my friends like La Rubia Que Todos Quieren wants me to come to a party in which she explicitly states she will be holding a satirical 4th of July party to celebrate the long-awaited amnesty of a close friend of ours, I say "of course! What can I bring?" knowing there will be plenty of Bush-bashing and "I'm so glad they're letting me stay here but I still hate this country" talk. So last night I attend the said FOJ party and have a great time mingling with everyone, enjoying apple pie, macaroni and cheese, Ruffles, and hamburgers (these items, minus the mac and cheese as it is considered "soul food" have never been consumed at one of our functions before).

Since we were celebrating the amnesty of the friend, we decided it was an important time to pay respect to those who don't have the same privilege and to say a few kind words about our friend. Words of nostalgia about the friend, and blessings were given. Talk of matriarchal ancestors who have given her the strength to survive what she was been through, anti-Bush rhetoric, and "I hope you all know I would never actually celebrate 4th of July or wear red/white&blue for real" was also spewed by LRQTQ and the friend.

MMM, being the sporadically present mate that he is, actually decided to attend this function with me, against his better judgement. He lingered in the background as everyone said their piece, and then at the end, told me he was ready to go. I then said goodbye and he pulled me outside. I won't bore you with the full transcript here, but: according to MMM, there were murmurs of anti-military sentiment going on around us, a suspicious gentleman in a cheap suit who he thought he recognized and "kept staring at my ass"...so it was not the best environment to be in. We had a chat outside and I decided it was better for me to go with him even though we arrived in separate vehicles and these were my friends. I would usually stay and let him go blow off steam, but I really felt that I should support my husband, and I honestly did not want to stay any longer than I already had. (Plus, he already feels like I choose my friends over him anyway, so I felt this was a perfect opportunity to show him I don't.)

I go in and tell LRQTQ that we're leaving, she asks if MMM is OK and I say "no". She (naturally, as she is not one to start conflicts) did not think she said anything offensive. I just briefly said that the red/white&blue comments were offensive to him because he has friends who have died for those colors. I hugged her and the friend, and went on my way with MMM to see Blood Diamonds (a little too Hollywoodish for an international conflict awareness piece for my taste, but a good story nonetheless). The friend could tell something was wrong, and LRQTQ is probably mad at me since I haven't gotten a call or text from her today, but there really is no love lost. I knew they were all flaming radicals before I went to the party, but it was out of love and my support for the immigrant struggle that I went.

-(3 hour pause)-

Following the movie, MMM and I go home and for some reason I decide to bring up the fact that he is getting a dog without my blessing and I am really freaking out. I have had near panic attacks thinking about dog hair on the couch, in my bed, on my clothes, in the grass...and the permastench of wet dog in my house not to mention the fact that we just installed brand new wood floors and I shudder to think of the friggin' scratchmarks a dog will leave on them. So I push and push the envelope and he says "forget it, I will call the lady tomorrow and tell her I don't need the dog". Now, usually that kind of guilt trip works, but he received no argument from me and I went upstairs to go to sleep. Did I feel like an a$$hole? Yes. Did I think of how I was hurting the little boy's feelings whose only dream was to have a precious little puppy dog? Absolutely. Do I think he needs a dog at the expense of my décor, sleep, sanity, aromatic comfort? Nope. I, being the full-time employee, graduate student, and 2-3 hour commuter everyday do NOT think having a huge (did I mention it's a German Sheperd?) animal in my house is even a mediocre idea.

So, as you see, these are the reasons why I have resisted doing such things as standing up for what I believe in, causing conflict, and saying anything to hurt people's feelings for quite some time. However, I really really feel like my actions were justified on both accounts. But, I left LRQTQ's house to support MMM who is now mad at me so I am stuck with no one to turn to except the internet. So thereyahaveit.

Have a fantastic Christmas, and let's all not forget the reason we celebrate it; Christ's birth. I hope I can find some comfort knowing many years ago my many sins were preparing to be paid for by a little baby in Bethlehem.

-TT-

Fracaso Total

Fracasé. Fracasé algo horrible. I failed my Statistics test and got a C- in the class, which in grad school means I have to repeat it. This is the second class I have failed since the beginning of my MBA program. I got a D in Finance and now a C- in Stats. I work full time, own a house, am married, and I feel like a total failure. I have tried a million things to get the prof to give me a chance to retake the exam or find some lost points somewhere to bump me up to a C, but I am running head first into a brick wall. I never thought an MBA program would be easy, but I certainly never thought I would feel so miserable and waste so much money on repeat classes.
After I exhausted my options last night, I broke down. I had been trying to hold it in for a while, not wanting to drown in anxiety, but it was fruitless. I felt angry, ashamed, and totally defeated. I worked my ass off in that class and totally failed the final. Could I have studied more? Sure. I just want to know what kind of a lesson I'm supposed to get from this. Is it that I should slow down or work harder? Should I drop out or get back in the saddle? What am I trying to prove anyway? Why do I need my MBA? I am already in the career track I need to be in at work, I have everything else I need, and school is holding me back from having kids- not that I want them right now. I know what I set out to prove, that my undergrad GPA is not a reflection of my intellect, that I am a more mature, focused, driven person now who can go out and get a Masters in a field she never studied before. I know I never want to have to rely on someone to support me financially, that my credentials could always get me ahead in life even if I were in dire straits. I know I don't want to be like my mother and be 60 years old with 3 divorces under my belt looking for the next guy who's going to support me for the rest of my life. I hate failing. I hate failing. I HATE FAILING!!! I feel like everyone is going to laugh at me, they're going to celebrate my failures, that they're going to smirk and gloat under their breath. I have to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. I know it's not a wash, I know I can finish grad school if I get my ass in gear, so will I? I think I have forgotten my central purpose in life. Honestly, I really have forgotten- I can't think of it now, and I certainly think I should remember something like that.

-TT

Design District Delights

Took off from work around 3pm on Friday and had some time to kill before the MBA program end-of-semester celebration at the pizza joint in Old Town, so I decided to make the best of it and shop the hoity-toity design district for oddities, furnishings, and fixtures. Found some fantastic light fixtures, including about a million chandelier choices for the formal living room (one of my favorites pictured above), and a zig zag bookshelf in espresso at P.H. Reed. MMM says we have to wait until after tax season to make any big purchases, so my visions of grandeur for the front room have to be put on hold...talk about a buzzkill.

I then decided it was probably time to think about other people, so I went over to Oblation (www.oblationpapers.com) to pick up a birthday card for my friend and ended up getting journals and artsy notecards for my friends and family for Christmas. I got my sister the coveted moleskin journal whose claim to fame is "the journal of Hemingway and some other esteemed writer" but this particular journal is for writing music, which my sister has been doing a lot of lately along with creating original works of art for my living room.

On Saturday morning I had breakfast with the boss, her husband, a co-worker, and his girlfriend- very nice. I then went on another time-killing spree before my haircut and purchased some awful-sounding but very cool soap logs which are basically rolls of over-priced organic-looking soap with fun flavors like eucalyptus and lavendar oatmeal.

That's all for now- more tales of delight to come.

-TT-

Miami Today is U.S. of Tomorrow

December 5, 2006

Leonard Pitts Jr. -- Miami Herald columnist

There's a joke I tell behind Miami's back. I'll be elsewhere in the country and someone will ask how race and diversity are viewed from a South Florida perspective. I reply that, according to the Census Bureau, Miami's polyglot population represents what America will look like in about 40 years. And if America really understood that, it would be worried. Rim shot.

My point is that, for most of the years of the American experiment, our dialogue about race and diversity has been strictly bipolar: black and white, minority and majority. But by 2050, the conversation will be three way - black, white and brown - and none will have dominant numbers. We will ALL be minorities.

Given that America has never mastered the bipolar debate, the challenge of a three-way debate should give us pause. Especially when you factor in the racial and cultural stresses that periodically rattle and rend Miami.

Consider the young woman who told me once how her newlywed sister went to their mother with marital problems only to be told that such problems were what she deserved for being in a "mixed marriage." The upshot: both newlyweds were black, one born in the United States, the other in Haiti. Take it as proof that in South Florida, even black, white and brown is more complicated than you'd expect.

Similar complications are coming soon to the nation as a whole, as evidenced by the growing Hmong population in Minnesota and an influx of Africans in Maine. So the country ought to watch Miami with interest because it has a stake in the city getting it right.

Or, it could take the Tom Tancredo approach: write Miami off altogether. In a recent interview with a conservative Web site, Tancredo, an anti-illegal immigration hawk who has championed the building of a fence along the U.S. border with Mexico, said Miami "has become a Third World country. You just pick it up and take it and move it someplace. You would never know you're in the United States of America."

For this, Tancredo has been publicly and properly rebuked by two prominent fellow Florida Republicans: Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen and Gov. Jeb Bush.

Me, I think the fact that Tancredo calls Miami not just another country, but a "Third World" country is rather telling. Apparently for him, Spanish accents and the smell of jerk chicken automatically equal poverty. It may surprise him to learn, but one seldom sees donkey carts on Miami streets and electricity is available almost 24 hours a day.

It is worth noting that Tancredo represents Colorado's 6th District, which is centered on the town of Littleton. Littleton, according to the last census, has a population of about 40,000. Just 1.2 percent of its people are black, 8.4 percent Hispanic - both significantly below the nation as a whole.

Not to dump on Littleton, but it represents precisely the sort of stark homogeneity that will become obsolete in the nation the Census Bureau predicts. So it's not hard to understand why Miami scares its congressman.

For the record, Miami scares Miami sometimes. Like when there are Cubans in a snit or American blacks up in arms or Haitians feeling put upon or whites feeling left out. You look around and ask yourself if, from this cacophony, it is possible to make harmony.

But really, what choice do we have but to try? What else have we ever done? Change is coming, but then, change is always coming. You cannot fence it off, cannot legislate it away. You can only face it and confront its challenges as best you can.

That's what we did when whites went West, when slaves became free, when Europeans streamed through Ellis Island. It's what's we are doing now. Miami is just the noise you get when a mix of peoples jockey for opportunity and shout to be heard.

Tancredo says that's not America. I say, when has America been anything else?




Source: (C) 2006 Charleston Gazette. via ProQuest Information and Learning Company; All Rights Reserved

Parlor Games

So I have a project room- and I am taking the opportunity to make it as sexy and unobtainable as possible. Above you will see the sofa I chose for the room, a simple retro-fit cream leather that is perfect for any décor. Below you will see just 2 of the chairs I chose- the side and sofa tables were not available online for viewing. This room will be almost all black and white, with some dark walnut accents on the tables. My Sister The Artist is making me custom paintings to fit my room and helping me with spatial layout to enhance the visual splendor to those that walk through my front door. I am badly in need of a round area rug, preferably in cream. This is my Donatella Versace/Tasteful Mafia Wife playground in which I can hold white wine socials (there won't be a nary merlot near these gems, BELIEVE me!) and church lady lectures. I DO think I have better taste than Carmela Soprano, though. I'm calling it Italian Modern meets her Sicilian cousin on the holidays. Unlike some people, I refuse to try to be tasteful at Christmas- which I will outline in my post-Christmas décor rant. Think poinsettas snuggled cozily with gold lamé...and love it.

Tilt

Discovered a must-have set of crystal today...and she goes by the name Nambé Tilt Collection. I've been looking at a lot of beautiful things lately so I decided to fancy myself a design aficionada for several reasons, but here are a few:

1. I just bought oodles of furniture to fill up space in my 1st floor and I need lovely things to sprinkle around them.
2. I just came out of 8 months in PR and worked very closely with cutting edge designers and critics who are connected in the fashion/art/design world.
3. My sister is a designer and I run everything past her for the final approval.
4. I have always had an eye for design, even if I couldn't design my way out of a cardboard box.
5. I have a burning obsession to avoid ever being tacky and uncultured unless of course I'm trying to be in an effort to show just how much I rebel against societal norms.
6. I have decided that just about everything with swirly-swoops and bordeaux-ish details makes me sick and reminiscent of gaudy try-to-bes-that-never-were.
7. I like clean, simple lines with a dash of mania.
8. I'm just a country girl with a city heart who lives in the suburbs and has too much space on her hands.

There you have it folks. Clean, simple, neurotic.

-La Tremenda Trigueña-

La Tentación

I must admit that being a married woman has its ups and downs, as I'm sure it does being a married man. We all have our weaknesses and if it were easy I suppose there wouldn't be a 50 or 60% divorce rate in this country. However, that's not what I'm here to talk about today. What I will say is I have come to terms with some very harrowing realizations about making a marriage last, and things we not only have to accept about our partner, but even more so about ourselves.

Temptation will always come in the sweetest form possible.

• I'll tell you what I mean. Just when you think things are going well with you and your spouse and you're able to ignore the things that most irritate you about him/her, someone will inevitably come along who has what you think you're lacking or who doesn't do that very caustic thing that makes you want to scratch your eyes out. They will come in the form of Christians, Tibetan monks, deli owners, teachers, doctors, co-workers, waiters, priests, disco kings, MBA students, you name it. They will almost always come in a form that seems totally harmless, helpful even. You will try to justify to yourself why you must have communication with them, why that email won't do anyone any harm, why you have to meet them to study or help their kids out with free sporting equipment for their softball team. You will make excuses to see them and you will always try to look your best in anticipation of seeing them.

You're not that strong no matter what you think.

• There comes a time when all the self-denial in the world will come crashing around your head and you. will. fall. You cannot occupy your thoughtlife with their image and likeness while your spouse is sleeping next to you and not expect them to suspect something. You cannot go alone with people who you are or are not even attracted to even if it seems like a harmless outing...Eventually, someone will do or say the wrong thing and everything you've worked for will be thrown to the wayside.

Your spouse can play the same game.

• Don't think that they won't catch on. Don't think that they will always confront you if they do. Don't think that you're more slick than they, or that they can't hide innocent little flirtations. Don't think that the aforementioned is not very, very dangerous. Women: we often seek out emotional reassurance. Men: you often seek out sexual reassurance. Plain and simple. If aren't giving that to your spouse, they will withdraw. By withdrawing, you create a wider chasm between the two of you. Your thoughts govern your emotions, and your emotions govern your actions. There's this strange little receptor that I believe God places in our brains that drives us to suspect when something isn't right in our marriage. I honestly believe it's biological, and it serves a very important purpose- to get things back to where they need to be.

Cherish your spouse. Appreciate their attraction to you, and don't let petty little attention you get from other people go to your head, because it won't last. If you are married and they're chasing after you it shows a lack of moral fortitude and they are not a worthy way to spend your thoughts, words, or energy.

Voilá mi gente- allí está y se acabó.

~TT~

I love this picture- it's where my head's at right now...relaxation, stress relief. I'm in a new department now, MUCH less hectic than where I was since last March. I went to a traditional Korean day spa last Friday and got the salt scrub in which they lay you on a padded table and scrub you with salt and water until all your dead skin rolls off and they rinse you with buckets of warm water every couple minutes or so. Even though it might seem like a terrible irritant it was actually quite soothing and I even nodded off at times.

Other than that, MMM and I purchased an entire floor of furniture a few weeks ago- formal living room, family room, dining room, and a futon for the guest room. All in all I was extremely satisfied with our purchase and quite proud of my eye for good design. In addition, we landscaped our entire front yard, bought a brand new LCD TV with all the home theater components like speakers, receiver, sub woofer (HATE that word)...I am feeling much more "made" than I did a year ago.

Fighting off a nasty cough/cold right now, but other than that I'm doing OK. School is stressful but manageable, I just need to get myself caught up and I'll be fine. Oh yeah- and I turned 30 on October 21st, I'm a real grownup now.
Gotta go, Stats just started.

-TT-

What's a Month and a Half?

After accusations of being comatose, I have decided to take a couple minutes for myself and get over work for a minute.
I have been in a whirlwind of travel, work, near separation, and financial aid suspension in the past couple months. I have been desperately trying to keep my head above water, my bills paid, and not lose my mind in the meantime.
I started back to school this week and almost had a panic attack last night pondering my leftover thoughts of inadequacy from the summer semester. I really had to talk myself through the fact that I can focus my priorities and tell people 'no' when I need to. Honestly, school has got to come first, but work has to still be there so I can pay the bills. I won't be going out/contributing to society/attending benefit dinners/parties until the holidays. It just has to be that way. I hate being a jerk and not pleasing everyone, but honestly my head is about to explode with all the whining I'm getting from people. I will probably have lost all my friends by December of '08 when I graduate, but that's a chance I'll have to take. As long as I am still married I will consider it a great accomplishment.
Other than that, I have had 2 travel experiences in the past month and a half in which I was told the same day that I had to fly to New York. Well, one was the day before...I shouldn't be too picky. The 1st time, I had to fly to NYC (which is 5 hours of flying non-stop from here for those of you on the east coast) with a suitcase full of samples to go to a photo shoot which was already over when I got there. I basically went there for no reason, so I decided to make the best of it and go shopping, take myself out to dinner and go dancing.
The 2nd time, I was in Seattle visiting my family and my boss called me on a Saturday afternoon telling me I had to fly to New York for a WEEK and save a documentary from certain destruction. Don't get me wrong- it was a great trip, I learned a lot, and had a chance to shine, but...now that school has started back, I absolutely cannot fly at the drop of a hat like that anymore. I know I got a D in Finance in the summer partly due to my conflicting priorities of work, school, and home and I don't want to repeat that.
Can I say how happy I am that I think we might be getting an early autumn? I swear, during the summer the sun comes out and my motivation evaporates. The fall arrives and it's back to high-heel boots and mid-terms.
In other news, I saw that my company is expanding marketing opportunities to the Miami area which I would love nothing more than to move there in a couple years whenI get my MBA. I think that in order to advance my career the way I want, I will have to move to S. Florida...(sorry Joke)
I'm sure my husband won't be thrilled at first, but I think it would be the best move for us. I think a couple years there and I will be ready to come back to the NW- but it seems inevitable.
That said, I'm off to a meeting. It's good to be back!
-TT-

Updates

So I got a D in Finance. So I will have to take it over in the Spring...life goes on.

Now that that's out of my system, I am actually enjoying a little of my summer and taking some time for me. My yard that was demolished last summer is in the 2nd phase of the renaissance. We now have a real cement walkway between our house and the neighbor's, and a fancy colored/textured cement walkway that wraps around the porch and creates a nice little patio area beside it. Or as I like to call it, an "outdoor dance floor".
I finally had the wherewithal to clean my office and I discovered some very lucrative investments...namely $300 in Target gift certificates that I thought I lost and a $250 check from my Microsoft investment account.
I worked out today which helped to clear my head of the DRAMA in my family. Don't want to get into it here because I have beat this horse bloody all day. Basically I have NO idea what parallel universe my mother lives in, but I still love her.
Work is good, laundry is clean, and by the way- my attitude 2 posts ago SUCKED. The next morning I woke up to Joyce Meyer, one of the only TV preachers I can watch, and she broke it down to the simplest of terms. Life isn't going to change, so you better change your attitude.
Since then, I have realized I need to grab this job by the...ears and make it happen. I have a plan which I will present to my boss at my yearly review next Monday. It basically entails me creating a position for myself in the Americas (Latin America) region as a Corporate Responsibility Initiatives Manager or Director. Who knows if I'll get away with it, but it's worth a try!
In other news, just found out one of my good friends will be accepting a sales position in Miami so you know what that means! I'll have a place to stay when I need to get to my favorite Latinomelánge destination. Gotta admit it, I would jump at the chance to live down there, as long as MMM was on board.
That's it for me- good night to all my faithful fan.

-TT-

VITTORIA!!!!

My grandfather would have been proud although he was never a football fan-- the patria of his father won the World Cup today and I was right there standing next to my Italian brethren, never more proud to be Siciliana. For one of the first times in my life I was boldly passionate about a sporting event. Working in the athletic industry has had an effect on me I never thought it would-- I love football (soccer). Little by little I fell in love with Grosso, Del Piero, and yes-- even Gattuso. I was a little upset by the dirty tricks in the beginning of the final match, the diving, tripping, etc., but as soon as Zidane head-butted Materazzi?! All bets were off and I wanted him OUT and Italia to WIN. Well guess what Francia??!! SE LA VIE!!! At least the first goal we scored wasn't a penalty kick. France played a good game, but Italia proved itself in the end and got the trophy gold. CHE BELLA!
-TT-

Why Now?

I thought I had made it. I thought I was at the top of my game and ready to conquer the world. No, I didn't think it would be easy but I didn't think I would be an abismal failure at so many things all at the same time. I am pretty sure I failed intro to Finance, (sorry Joker) I dread going to work which was supposed to be the job of my dreams that I couldn't wait to get into, and I am overweight because I don't have the mental space or energy to work out consistently.

I decided I'm going to scale back to one class a semester, no matter how impatient I get, or how badly I want to finish quicker. I CANNOT continue to be this miserable. I just had 4 days off and I have no desire to go to work and be everyone's task girl. I feel like my outlets for creativity are squelched and I have no creative space. I wanted so badly to make things great, to share ideas and be a part of something. The application process led me to believe I would be working in some capacity with the Latino youth market....not an ounce! I work with stressed out Europeans and Americans who have no soul. I suppose that's just the corporate world, but when will I arrive at that point in my life where I feel like I'm good at something?

I know this is a training position so just when I feel like I know what's going on I will switch departments. I know I only have about 18 months left, but to me it seems like a friggin' eternity. I just want to land that job that I can get comfortable in. Until then, I'm just going where they tell me to go. I wish I could work at home. I hate leaving here everyday. I wish I could work 20 hours a week from home and take care of my home and my husband. I wish I wasn't anxious about work on a 4-day weekend. I wish I wasn't failing school and everyone looked down on me. I wish I could be a good, fit, smart wife with a good head on her shoulders instead of a snappy-lipped fat ass who is a jack of all trades and a jack ass at all.

I know, I know. It could be worse. I could be in customer service with no hope of leaving...but at least I had time to dream there. Here I am just bogged down by everyone else's anxiety attacks. So while I am managing a workload, at the same time I'm managing the emotional stability of my bosses. I want to leave work but I can't. Maybe when I'm done with this training job I can take a hiatus and just finish school. Once I'm done I can decide what I want to do and who I want to be. I don't have to go right into the next position. I think it's more than reasonable to leave and come back-- months, tops. I can live off financial aid or work part time. Who knows, who cares? I just want some mental stability back in my life.

The one thing I can't do is treat this job like something I just have to get through. I have to show passion, albeit artificial. I am passionate about one of the projects I am working on, but why does it have to be so miniscule? I am not a person who is satisfied with mediocrity, yet I am living way below the bar. I think I am going to quit summer school. I can't afford to leave work by 5pm 2 days a week. In the Fall I will only have to leave one day a week by 6, I think I can do that. Man, I sound so dismal.

-TT-

Gooooolll!!!!

So I'm not usually one to watch sports, but Italia just beat (with a penalty kick) Australia 1-0!!! The excitement is heating up around the office, I can hardly stand it!

In other news, MBA life is plugging along, I have a final tomorrow that I am pretty nervous about- Finance. I'm not the most numerically adept person in the world. Not because it's hard, but because it's boring. I finally had to train myself to read Finance, math, Statistics, like a textbook, not like literature. I used to get frustrated because I'm a fast reader and I didn't understand why I couldn't breeze through a math book and retain all the information.

Ni modo, tomorrow I will do my best to get through it and move on to the next phase. I am getting to the impatient point in my education. I just want to get it over and done with! I am considering taking 3 classes every term except summer until I graduate. Would I have a life? No. Would I have a job? Not sure. The one good thing about it is I don't have to be there until 7pm in the fall and spring, so the hour it takes me to get to school could start at 6 instead of 5.

In home décor news, I did buy a new silverware set (brushed metal, very chic-y modern) a sugar and creamer set that is retro-modern (sort of like a bunson burner/petri dish set) and a nice set of large utensils.

Down the Drain

How long has it been? Ah yes- the Lenten season was the last time I was here. I have been on a dead run ever since and when I'm not running I'm decompressing. I haven't had a creative thought in months. I used to dream BIG, I used to have a mind that went above and beyond the current surroundings to create something beautiful- if only in my mind. I used to get excited, giddy even, about what lies ahead...now I just look forward to going home and doing a memory wipe every night. Not good, I know- since I have to be sharp as a tack in my line of work.

I have gained weight, my face is breaking out and well...that's not good. The sickness stuff is off and on, I am feeling better than I was but about a month ago I had some pretty bad dizziness and pain.

The home front isn't outstanding either- we've both said and done some hurtful things over the past few months, and now we're 'taking it slow'--or so I've been informed by MMM.

I actually sat on the couch ALL DAY on Saturday and the most I did was cook a fabulous meal for myself since MMM was at work. After about 20 cooking shows you tend to feel like you might have 'the juice'-- so I drummed up the following:

• Seasoned about 6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts with salt, pepper, and rosemary
• Browned the breasts on medium/high heat in butter in a deep frying pan
• About halfway through the browning process, throw in some "crushed" garlic cloves. Note- put the cloves under a large knife (flat) or tostonero, press down with your palm and just crack the skin open so it peels off easily. Leave cloves whole and distribute around chicken pieces.
• When chicken is about halfway cooked but thoroughly browned, transfer chicken only to a baking dish, leaving butter and garlic cloves in the pan (turn down heat)
• Take about 4 or 5 orange and lime slices with rind removed and distribute over chicken
• Dollop with your choice of white wine, cover and bake for 20 minutes or so at 350
• Go back to the butter mixture and throw in about 2 cups of brown jasmine rice, sauteé slightly
• add water, chicken boullion or just add chicken broth
• add a healthy splash of ground cloves
• add about 1/2 cup of dried zante currents
• Add enough water to cook thoroughly (brown rice tends to be a little more tedious than others)
• Cover and simmer until done.
• Serve with a green salad and lots of white wine.

Last night I made an orange poundcake and served it with the following:

Take 2 or 3 fresh figs (mine were frozen, but as long as they're not dried) boil in a syrup of honey, sugar, white wine, cinnamon sticks, and 1/2 orange with whole cloves stuck in the skin. Simmer for 30 minutes or so, you may serve hot or cold over orange pound cake with a dollop of fresh whipping cream over the top. DIVINE.

Woke up Well This Morning...

Lent is over.
I am eating meat, milk, and all the other stuff I wasn't supposed to have for 7 weeks. I did cheat on the dairy part a little, there were times when it just wasn't feasible to do without it, and there were other times when I just needed a bagel and cream cheese to start my day right.

I Eastered with a family from church along with my mom and her new beau who came down to visit. Not sure how I feel about the beau- mom was separated for 3 years and is recently divorced from her 3rd husband of 15 years....for good reason. However, in the past mom has not always been the most...emotionally intelligent or instinctual; hence my sister and I taking on the role of rabid pit bulls protecting mom from slimy predators.

I hate to say it, but I don't hate the guy. Only time will tell if they are meant to be together, but in the meantime I will continue to gnaw on rawhide chew toys in his presence just to let him know his potential fate if he steps out of line...

Worked out at lunch today so I'm feeling really good- energized, positive, and focused. Looking forward to getting the car cleaned after work and going home to relax a little. It's been getting warmer here so I am snapping out of the Seasonal Affective Disorder that afflicts EVERYONE in the northwest from about November to April.

Loving life this week, hope it stays this good.

-TT

Para Mi Gente de Todos Lados

I'm going to do it. I'm going to a march on Friday to support my community members, to stand up for what I believe in, and to be part of the new Civil Rights Movement.

I have been waiting for this since I was a kid, and it's finally here. All the nights I couldn't put down literature and biographies about César Chávez, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Junior, when I ate dinner with Dolores Huerta at my table, when I shouted ¡Sí Se Puede! with the rest of the Mechistas at Portland State...the culmination is here. When I got into screaming matches with my redneck stepdad about the humanity of immigrants, about the desperation that drives people to risk their lives so their children can be born into opportunity...it's no longer a private issue.

I have never stopped loving La Lucha, but I definitely have put it to the side since I came into the corporate world. I am involved with Latino groups at work, but I haven't exactly run into any future revolutionaries in the break room.

I owe them. I owe my great-grandparents. I owe my grandparents. I owe myself to do something worthwhile, to stop talking and start doing. All the nights listening to Kid Frost, Latin Alliance, Another Latin Timebomb, the poder I felt knowing they were Brown and Proud...I have to do this for them. To become who I always wanted to be as a kid...to start the movement, to speed up the motion, to set some fires, and channel my energy to those who need it.

At one time it was illegal for slaves to run away from their master's plantation. At one time it was illegal to be Black and out after 8 pm. At one time it was illegal to marry someone of a different race. At one time it was illegal to hold on to your Indian heritage. At one time it was illegal to drink from certain water fountains, live in certain neighborhoods, and go to certain schools. Question illegality. Question inhumanity. Question racism. Question motive. Got an answer? Keep questioning.

Qué viva la raza humana. Qué viva el espíritu de los oprimidos. Qué siga la lucha. Qué despierte mi gente.

-TT

A little lighthearted entry...

Well I'm a little tired of spilling my soul to Bloggerville, so I'm going to keep it light today.

So...3 of my best friends and I went to the jewelry store on Friday night and picked out matching 'right hand rings' to commemorate our 10 years of friendship (pictured above). I am really excited to purchase a nice piece of jewelry for myself, I have never done it and I would really like to have something that reflects the success I have experienced over the last year. I have received a tremendous amount of support from these women, and I would like to give them the recognition they deserve. We have decided to plan a trip together every year in June starting in 2007. (One of the girls is nursing a newborn right now...not quite the right conditions for perreando en la disco!)

Our 2007 trip will be in Puerto Rico...La Isla del Encanto! I miss it so much there, the carefree days in El Paseo de Diego, mantecados, donas de guayaba, pincho de quien sabe que clase de carne, Pollo Tropical, el coquí, Coronado....todo eso. I cannot wait to go and let my sandunga free once again. Right now I feel like a caged bird.

Once I have my MBA and I can clear my head of the stress, I think things will change for the better....but that's not for quite some time. In the meantime I am focused and driven and have my friends to turn to for support. That's all for today!
-TT

Los Resultados

So I went to have my pelvic ultrasound today and...I have a cyst on my left ovary. In a way I'm relieved that I wasn't just being overly in touch with my body, but on the other hand I'm not sure what happens next. They said it doesn't look serious, but there was no mention of taking it out either. They will send the results to my doctor and I will see her soon to discuss the results. Apparently cysts are really common and a lot of women have them before they ovulate and then they go away. The problem is, I haven't had an actual regla in about 3 months due to the type of birth control I use, (IUD) so I'm not sure if I am ovulating.

I told MMM (Mi Moreno Mortal) and he seemed worried....like maybe I'm not crazy after all! Like maybe when I say I don't feel right I really don't feel right! (He's an "it's all in your head" type) Boy, he probably thought he married a certified nut who he could poo-poo for the rest of our lives....what a let down!

Here on the home front I'm totally betraying my Sicilian heritage and eating spaghetti sauce from a jar (named Siciliana by the way, but I truly doubt the authenticity of it all) and drinking a nice Rioja...which I desperately need after today. Among the cysts, I'm in the midst of hectic event planning at work for an even in Italy which I won't be attending. (talk about lack of motivation!)

That's all for today kids, I have to get back to work. Ciao ciao.
-TT

Sickness....

So you know those people (I seem to be surrounded by them) who get a cold or the flu or emphysema and they come to work anyway? The people who are strong and win the fight against cancer and stand up against the toughest odds? The people who refuse to lose and inspire people around them to be thankful for their health?

Well I'm not one of those people. I had to go to the doctor today for a mysterious nausea/dizziness/bloating/hot flashes issue and of course my first assumption was that I was preggo. So I'm not. So I had to get blood work done and I have a pelvic ultrasound on Tuesday and I'm freaking out. I broke down crying in the car and am really worried I have something seriously wrong with me.

Unlike the rest of the altruistic saints who I work with, go to church with, am friends with, etc., I want people to feel sorry for me. It is not in my DNA to go into denial about these things. In fact, it is in my DNA to make a bigger deal out of things than they are. Or...does everyone else just minimize their problems? Now I'm not going around telling my co-workers or the guy at the deli that I think I'm going to pass out, but I believe my husband and my best friend deserve the respect of the truth that I'm freaking out and worried about my health. The NP checked for ovarian cysts, and I think I might have endometriosis. My aunt had it at my age and had to get a hysterectomy. She was never able to have children and that scares me to death.

I grew up in a home in which if I had a tickle in my throat my mom told me to stay home and get better. Regardless if she hasn't seen me in 2 months she just KNOWS I'm exhausted and need to rest. Yes, I grew up in a hypochondriatic home and I don't strive to be the same. However, I am going to be straight about this, it feels good to know that people are worried about me. I don't quite know how people get to the point where they don't tell the truth about their health because they're embarassed. I am NOT a private person.

I think I'm part Jewish. I just KNOW it's fatal.

Somebody Snatch Me!

I am in a FUUUUUUNK today. Monday is sucking sucking suuuuuucking. Didn't get enough sleep, have 8 million emails to respond to, didn't do the work this weekend I was supposed to because I had house guests, and I feel like screaming something very, very, offensive at the top of my lungs. It's times like this when I wish the Body Snatchers would put me out of my misery! Any jokes, quips, puns would be truly appreciated. Qualudes anyone? Cheers!

-TT

Cultural Communication Conflict

If I were a professor with seventy five degrees hanging on my wall, I would teach a class on Cultural Communication Conflicts. No, I am not referring to Mexicans and Koreans having a hard time understanding each other. I am talking about those of us who are used to being respected and revered for asking questions, being inquisitive, and interacting with others and those who prefer to shut their mouths, sneer down their noses at the questioneer, and later deem you incompetent and ineffective.

I am a questioner by nature. I was raised in a home in which my mother taught me to always ask why, never take anything for face value, and if you didn't understand something by all means raise your hand and speak up!

What I have found working in the corporate world is that people are running scared. They are scared of losing their job, losing face, and offending higher-ups who are so consumed with their status they have forgotten what it was like to be a real person.

I often wonder how it is that one arrives at the place in life where they see themselves as entitled to talking down to others, or better yet pretending as if they don't exist. I know one day I may be in the same position as they, but I cannot see myself treating people the way they do. I'm sure you're saying "Oh come on, are you honestly telling me you treat everyone the same? What about the parolee who pumps your gas or the kid serving you lemonade who's wearing a giant hot dog on his head?" You know, I'm sure I don't treat them exactly the same but I am always cognizant of the respect I give people.

I am not suggesting that we don't live in a world that recognizes hierarchies- we do. What I am saying is that to assume that everyone has the same understanding or awareness of your so-called 'status' in life is absurd! My primary comment for people who conduct themselves in this manner is...GET OVER YOURSELF. If people were not so self-centered and insecure at the same time, they would realize that there are issues bigger than them, bigger than their rank.

Because of this new status shuffle I'm in, I feel that I too must change the way I communicate. I am asking less questions, revising the way I speak to be more directive, less padded. I actually listened to a guy who was facilitating a meeting the other day alternate his words with "kinda, sorta, almost, and maybe". It made him sound like a high school student giving his first public speech. I think one of the positive things I am learning is that when you speak in these situations you should have a solid point of view and not feel like you have to qualify everything so as not to hurt everyone's feelings.

Maybe I need to be more bitchy.....That's all for today!

-TT

The Joy of Spring

Spring fashion...how do I love thee? Let me count the ways... Franco Barbieri! Linen printed wedges with the wicker trim. Today worn with brown linen (yes, before summer even!) crop pants and the ice blue tank.

Woke up today at 3:45 am but didn't get out of bed until 4:45. Why on earth you ask? Well, in the NW we have this rare phenomena called....SUN. I worked out, did a load of dishes, put on a full face of brand new MAC and Bobbi Brown makeup AND a douse of Vera Wang perfume. The outfit is chocolate with a side of ice daquiri sherbet.

Tomorrow it will rain again, and it won't stop for another week...taking advantage of the endorphins today hoping I won't be in a Seasonal Affective Disorder slump tomorrow.

-TT

La Redención

So the past week and a half has been about 473 times better at work than the previous 4 months. I now have a supervisor who treats people fairly, with respect, and asks for my opinion. I am working on projects that involve 2 of my favorite things in the world: Fashion and social justice.

Although I haven't had a whole lot of energy in the morning as I'm adjusting to the vegan diet, I do have a better handle on what I'm doing from the get go with this rotation.

It seems that my job is taking a turn for the better, even if I am always on a steep learning curve. I am having to learn hard lessons all the time, but I feel that I am on a fast forward boot camp for budding young future VPs.

I am having to be careful of what I say, who I say it to, and how I say it...which I might add is an art in itself. I don't inherently think in terms of hierarchy (in this sense) so it didn't come naturally for me to assume that I shouldn't address higher ups unless they initiate contact with me. I was taught by my mother that I was always as smart as others if not smarter...I came to realize later in life this wasn't always true....but I never thought it wasn't ok to ask questions or assume that I didn't have anything valuable to add to a conversation.

I am having to come to terms with the fact that they want me to shut up but I won't get promoted if I do. Tempering just how far I can go without getting fired or blacklisted is quite the challenge at this point in my career.

Until later.... -TT

Here is a pic of me when I was young, vibrant, and full of life. Right now I feel like my veins are pumping cement.... The gig is busy, learning new things everyday. The good news is que no estoy trabajando con un comemierda del diablo. Tengo ahora 2 jefes que me tratan como ser humano y respetan a mi opinion y mi experiencia.

The best news of my week has been that I bought 3 new bras, all the same but different colors. If you're a woman or just proud of your man breasts...I HIGHLY recommend the wireless Ipex bra from Victoria's Secret. I put it on and feel like a could put on some Angel wings and fly onto the red carpet (in the privacy of my own home, no less).

I almost look like this:

Yep, that' s my story and I'm stickin' to it...me and my quest for the perfect mammary form.

I have been eating like a 10 year old with no parents. 20 cups of coffee a day, rice krispy treats, donuts, burritos...you name it. Everything except meat and dairy...yes folks, it's Lenten season again. The time when you deny yourself the flesh to feed your spirit. The only problem is I haven't been feeding my spirit so a fast is pretty painful. To you all you Catholics out there who think I'm being especially pious, this is the way ALL Greek Orthodox do Lent. We don't get to pick our sacrifice...they let us know. They even try to tell us we have to cut out olive oil because it's a staple in the Greek diet, yet Russian Orthodox can have it. I don't quite remember God saying that different ethnicities had different paths to heaven!

Ok, I'm signing off to get out of here. Still at the office! I'm dreading the hour long drive home...

Paz, -TT

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's" Your Power Color?

The Worst Blogger EVER!

Hey Guys,
Gotta make this curt, but I have NOT evaporated...unfortunately. The GGBG was never applied, instead "The Corporate Job in Which You Pay Your Dues" has taken it's place and I am here madly typing so that I can return to working from home on a Sunday night. To top it off, I had to drop a class in the MBA program so I am down to 1 class for spring semester...at this rate I'll graduate when I'm about 40. Just so you know, I have in the past 3 weeks:

• Had my ass handed to me at least 3 times (by my boss)
• Been to New York and had a terrible time
• Increased my work hours to that of a normal junior exec (60 hours +)
• Wished horrible things on aforementioned boss while thanking him to his face for basically telling me I'm a piece of crap
• Lost all control of my household
• Cried
• Prayed
• Currently in recovery/hot pokers on the nalgas mode

***Hope all is well with you, signing off from Big, Bad, Corporate Amerikkka.

1 Beso -TT-

Ghetto Booty: Be Gone!

As most of you, around 11:30pm on December 31st I started drumming up some sort of New Year's resolution.

I have been thinking about my weight, talking about it, and doing absolutely nothing. There have been times in my life when I have been in great shape. When I went to Miami, when I was training for the marathon, and right after I got married. Other than that, I have been mediocre to mushy and I am plain sick of myself.

I had to truly do a self-evaluation. So many people spend thousands of dollars on diet programs, pills, creams, hypnosis, grapefruits, you name it...and we're still the fattest nation in the world.

I had the great pleasure of watching the documentary Super Size Me the other night and that's what finally did it for me. I realized it's not that difficult. I was raised in a household of health food, organic vegetables and free-range poultry. My mother drinks green spirulina shakes every morning and her insides are probably more sterile than a surgeon's tool.

I realized there are certain myths that I have believed in order to keep myself in the permanently pudgy state:

1. I don't have enough time: Nonsense! I spend more time on the phone, surfing the net, talking about nonsense that could be used to prepare nutritious meals, go to bed earlier so I can get up earlier and go to the gym, and get myself in gear for the next morning.
2. I'm too tired: Of course you are! Your blood hasn't been properly pumped through your veins in months! You will never "catch up" on your sleep enough to feel energized to go to the gym. You have to drag your lazy a$$ out of bed in the morning and stairstep with your eyes closed for the first week or two if that's what it takes.
3. I need Starbucks to make me happy: Ok, whatever.
4. I don't need to conform to some pre-fabricated socially imposed image of beauty: This is true, but you do need to make sure you're physically fit, not at risk for diabetes, and eating healthy. If you are doing those things it doesn't matter if you don't look like a supermodel. What matters is you're healthy, energized, and taking care of business.

So my friends, the plan is to lose between 15 and 20 lbs in the new year. I was just sick for about 5 days, so not eating got me off to a good jumpstart. :) I hope you are all well, are spending ample time with your friends and families and just taking advantage of the good life has to offer. That's what it's about after all, ¿no?

2006 pa' que no jodeis-

The REAL Return from Hiatus (Pt. II)

Welcome back Cotter! Took a brief (maybe not so brief) break from the blogger world. Honestly, I think I just needed some "me" time and it didn't involve spilling my guts into cyberspace.

So what has La Tremenda Trigueña been up to? Well, she finished her 1st semester of grad school with a 3.5 GPA thank you very much! (Only 2 classes, got an A and a B. I plan on bringing it up this semester). I had a rather placid, eventless holiday season this year which I like just fine. Nothing cool to report there so....

I re-painted my guest bathroom from a magentaish-purple with gold faux finish to a Moroccan blue. I think it will suit my décor just fine, and it's a little more palatable to the man of the house. (ho hum!)

Other than that I'm plugging along in the new gig enjoying the salary increase to the fullest. (AKA the family actually got Christmas presents this year!) I haven't quite found a solid niche here since it's a very project-based position and I basically just do whatever they tell me needs to be done. I was starting to feel a little underutilized, but I'm sure that won't last long.

Other than that, I start spring semester in a couple weeks which should be pretty exciting. I will be traveling for business (finally!) that same week so I think I'm going to miss the first week of classes.

Sorry I didn't have any juicy dirt to spill...besides my paltry rant from last week. For those of you who did read it, I apologize for burdening you with that information, totally inappropriate on my part. I hope you all are well and satisfied from the holidays. Before you know it that groundhog will be rearing his ugly little head and it'll be time for my 2nd favorite time of year...Spring fashion!!!

Under and in,

-TT-