Friday, July 27, 2007

Why I Fell in Love in the First Place...

I remember meeting him. September 1994- 3rd year Spanish class. The seat next to me was empty and when he walked in late I told him to sit there...I was really worried that I was the only brown kid in class and he was the other didn't matter that we'd never spoken to each other.

Over the course of the year we became great friends and he watched me as I went through the drama-laden high school relationship with the Krazy Kid. When I graduated, he took me out to dinner at a fancy restaurant on the waterfront. On the drive home, we started talking about the future and what were were going to do with our lives. I remember joking with him not to worry "because he was going to marry me anyway". His response was perfect: "you know, TT- I would marry you. Not many girls have the kind of morals that you have."
I would go to college and we would admit we had feelings for each other, and I would be an asshole and not be over the Krazy Kid. We wouldn't talk for another year and a half until I was living in Puerto Rico going to school. We would talk, decide to date long distance until I came back to the States, and we would be reunited in San Diego where he was stationed as a Marine. I remember seeing him for the first time in years and he. was. beautiful.

We would date for 2 years and get married. I remember how impressed I was with his ability to fix everything. He not only could cook, but he could garnish, he had presentation- and he was 21 years old. He was so meticulous about his cologne, his haircuts, his wardrobe...and I loved it all. He had an order about him that seemed almost supernatural. I had never known a man like this- one who kept himself so pristine and could protect me from terrorists, cancer, and natural disaster. I was enveloped by his presence, his love of simplicity, and his seeming knowledge about everything in the world. In my eyes he could do anything, and he inspired me to be a better person, to push myself beyond limits I never knew I had. I watched him systematically knock down every stereotype they laid before him and prove he was not only as good as them, but better.

13 years later, I am still in awe. We may be on the rocks, but he is still my hero.


Thursday, July 26, 2007

Ethnic Inspiration

I have 2 weeks until I leave The Brand. 2 weeks to finish up my analyses, 2 weeks to tidy up my projects and make some stuff happen. 2 weeks until I'm off for 2 weeks, and then I'll be in school FULL TIME. I haven't quite grasped all the possibilities I'll have while in school, but I am so damned excited. I met with the Assistant Dean last week to discuss my internship and he was 100% on board. In that same conversation he mentioned that I could co-author a case or academic journal article with one of the professors based on research I'll be doing with Company X's non-profit. I have always wanted to write and as we all know, I have slipped off the writer train in a mammoth way over the last 2 years. I know it had to happen in order for me to gain the knowledge and experience I needed to truly figure out who and where I want to be.

I remember many years ago when I was contemplating the whole move from social work to the corporate world and I, like many mid-20sters wanted to "change it from the inside out" and make Company X into a great place, a responsible corporate citizen, and a beacon of hope for everyone around the world. I joined the marketing team in 2005 and since then have seen and done amazing things. However, I got to a point where I needed more. I needed to be able to touch people and their lives and make more than pretty shiny stuff fly off the shelves. I started to become angry and offended when we spoke about our consumer as if we were happy that they spent a disproportionate amount of their income on our product. I think it was at that point where my disillusionment came into full technicolor view.

Since then, I have had a few conversations with other people working in the organization that feel the same way. So I, like any good marketeer with community organizing experience decided it was time to create a unified front. I decided to keep it ethnic and female in nature, because I feel like we as women of color in a male-dominated field have a voice which we all have tried to use, but it has often been futile. Now we are going to set up monthly meetings in which 5 of us beautiful ladies are going to get together to start a frickin' revolution. We have a love and passion for our consumer and the men at the top don't care about how they approach them, they just want to get in and get out. Unfortunately, if we continue to operate in that manner we will continue to lose market share as we have seen. It'll be good for me to step outside the world of Brand Marketing for a minute to get a clear perspective and take a break from the hustle.

I'm looking forward to a new chapter in my life, and some leveraging power. I'm actually starting to feel a little bit of respect and clout in my field after two years and I gotta tell feels damned good.


Wednesday, July 25, 2007


Ok, I admit it. I took the summer off of school so I'm only working and I have turned into one of those women. The women who can't stand their own reality so they resort to escapism through other people's love stories. My vice? The first Dominican telenovela on Univisión- Trópico. I have never liked any of the other novelas on TV- the Mexican novelas are way too cheesy and uptight for me. I finally feel like I can relate to a story and the music they play doesn't remind me of a bad Latin pop band like RBD. No- when they kiss, suddenly bachata plays and in between scenes they pan throughout the city of Santo Domingo and the beautiful beaches of Dominican Republic.

Sure, most of the characters are (unrepresentative) light-skinned Dominicans, but the makings of every solid novela are there:

1. Unwanted pregnancy
2. A poor girl from the campo
3. A rich, handsome novio
4. A tyrranical business tycoon
5. The bad rubia with a bangin' ass body
6. The jackass brother of the rich, handsome novio
7. A HUGE secret that could ruin the poor girl from the campo's relationship with the rich, handsome novio
8. The green-eyed trigueña that steals the tyrranical busines tycoon from his wife of 35 years
9. A fat tia with BAD makeup and yellow teeth

What this novela has that others don't:

1. A Dominican tiguere that uses all the good slang and wears a royal blue satin robe
2. Bachata playing during the love scenes
3. An all-black police force

It's on Univision @ 1pm everyday. Check it out!


Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Year 30

Life continues to amaze me. I will be leaving my full time position at Company X in 2 1/2 weeks to pursue my MBA full time. I will be interning with the fantastic corporate philanthropy department while I'm in school, and hopefully landing a full time job after I graduate. Things on the homefront are at a standstill and I am suspended in ambiguity. We went to the counselor twice, and haven't been back in 6 weeks because of work, missed phone calls, blah blah blah. I personally hate the counselor and think she's a moron, but he likes her. If she insults me the next time we see her I will walk out of the room. I've given her the middle initials "FC"- (draw your own conclusions as to what it might stand for) and I'm pretty sure she got whatever license she holds out of a cereal box.
I am just hoping that the old TT will make a come back...she has been missing for about 2 years. Between marriage problems, stress, disappointment, family tradgedy and lack of physical fitness, I am a shadow of my former self. True, I have had some pretty significant successes lately, but that fire I once had is gone. I'm hoping it comes back with the new life I'll be leading in a few weeks. I'll have a 2 week gap between full time employment and full time school, in which time I'm going back east to see family, then will have a week off to buy books, coordinate my school clothes, :-) buy school supplies, organize my office, map out my weekly calendar, and install some curtains in the office. I may buy a new chair for my office as well- the one I have is terribly awkward.
I want to leave work early today, but I know that's out of the question. I want to take some time off...but I have so much to finish before I leave. My boss is on vacation this week and last, so I should probably have something to show him when he gets back. I'm just burnt out, but I need to press forward. My mind has been so cluttered lately, but that's true all the time. It's almost over, but I have to get it together before I leave. I have to get my time together and stop acting like a child. I need to be responsible for my own development and my own work. I need to be the one that forges ahead without being asked. I need to be that person regardless of my education, my life circumstances, or my energy level. I have been so tired lately and it's wearing on me. My time is precious because I spend so much of it sleeping. Instead of wishing this time would pass, I need to take the lessons out of it for next time. If anything I can think of off the top of my head, it would be that I am much more empathetic to people in crisis. I used to get angry with them when they made detrimental mistakes, but now I am acutely aware of how a pending divorce or separation can turn you into a completely different person. You are jealous, insecure, moody, exhausted, sad, angry, and paranoid. You feel like everyone else is trying to ruin your relationship, and maybe some are. Things that never used to bother you like your spouse having female friends, suddenly jars you to your core. Suddenly you cry everytime he hugs you because you don't know if it's the last time you'll feel his arms around you. Suddenly you're a pathetic ball of emotions and you find yourself compromising all the things you said you wanted out of life because you're scared to death of losing the meager existence you've created in your marriage. Suddenly you think you'd rather have his barely there than nothing at all. Suddenly you think about having to start over with someone else and how you would feel about the children you had with that person. You would always be upset that you never had them with the man you made your life with. The man who stuck by you when you both had nothing, the man who you supported while he was in school, the man who you grew up with. Anyone else would have it easy- they would be meeting you as an established adult, and he was there through the hard times. I don't know...damn this is the hardest thing I've been through in years.